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Nuggets from Art |
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Nuggets of wisdom and wit from a kindly old
mystic cloistered in
a fire proof building on the Cuyahoga. |
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The
Cowboy and the Genie |
Go Bananas!!!
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Five
Things to About |
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The Cowboy and the Genie. |
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the
Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has
breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees
an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead
of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
discovers what
looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no
ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil
tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work.
You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy. "I'm not
going to trust
an IRS genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation,
and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides
that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food
and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he
has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine
and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest
dreams."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests
filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better
make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says.. "I
wish that
no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need
me."
***POOF***
He turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you
anything, there's going to be a string attached.
Of course, we all knew that, didn't we? |
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Go Bananas!!!! |
GO BANANAS!!!
Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never
look at a banana in the same way again.
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose
and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an
instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.
Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough
energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the
banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading
athletes.
But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep
fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial
number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to
add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by
MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt
much better after eating a banana. This is because
bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the
body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax,
improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it
contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can
affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the
production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in
cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely
high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to
beat blood pressure. So much so, the Food and Drug
Administration has just allowed the banana industry to
make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce
the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex)
school were helped through their exams this year by
eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid
to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the
potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making
pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the
diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to
overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover
is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The
banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the
honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the
milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the
body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a
banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals
helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning
sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite
cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of
a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful
at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm
the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of
Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to
gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps.
Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found
the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure
jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced
food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels
by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours
to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against
intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and
smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten
without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also
neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by
coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as
a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and
emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand,
for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their
baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD
sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer
tryptophan.
Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up
smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the
potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body
recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps
normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and
regulates your body's water balance. When we are
stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our
potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help
of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in "The New England
Journal of Medicine, "eating bananas as part of a
regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as
much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if
you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin
and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out.
Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or
surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills.
When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the
protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the
phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice
the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in
potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So
maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that
we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"
PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all
the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our
shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub
directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing
fruit. |
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Five things to think about. |
Ten
Commandments
The
real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a
Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal,"
"Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not
Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians! It creates a hostile work environment. |
Zero
Gravity
When NASA
first started sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero
gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a
decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface
including glass and at temperatures ranging from below
freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. Your
taxes are due again--enjoy paying them. |
Our
Constitution
"They keep
talking about drafting a Constitution for
Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a
lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years
and hell, we're not using it anymore. |
Toilet Seat
It
isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was
invented by a foreign scientist in the 18th century. The
invention was later modified by a American inventor who
put a hole in the seat. |
Cows
Is
it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our
government can track a cow born in Canada almost three
years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the
state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to
their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million
illegal aliens wandering around our country. |
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