Nuggets of wisdom and wit from a kindly old mystic cloistered in
a fire proof building on the Cuyahoga.

• "You can't think and hit at the same time."
• "Nobody goes there; it's too crowded."
• "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
• "The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands."
• "We were overwhelming underdogs."
• "The other team could make trouble for us if they win."
• "It's never happened in World Series history, and it hasn't happened since."
• "It's dé-jà vu all over again!"
• "We made too many wrong mistakes."
• "If people don't come to the ballpark, how are you gonna stop them?"
• "If you ask me a question, I don't know I'm not going to answer."
• "Slump? I ain't in no slump...I just ain't hitting."
• "It was hard to have a conversation with anyone, there were too many people talking."
• "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.""When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
• "We're lost, but we're making good time."
• "If the world were perfect it wouldn't be."
• "If I didn't wake up I'd still be sleeping."
• "I usually take a two hour nap from 1 to 4."
• "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
• "It gets late early out here."
• "90% of the game is half mental."
• "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."
• "Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have made it before he died."
• "I'm as red as a sheet."
• "I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question."
• "Pair up in threes."
• "Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken."
• "Don't get me right, I'm just asking!"
• "Never answer an anonymous letter."
• "You can observe a lot by watching."
• "It's not too far, it just seems like it is."
• "You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going 'cause you might not get there."
• "We have a good time together, even when we're not together."
• "Little League baseball is a good thing 'cause it keeps the parents off the streets and it keeps the kids out of the house!"
• "The future ain't what it use to be."
• "It ain't over till it's over."
• "I really didn't say everything I said."

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge"
- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in reply

"A sheep in sheep's clothing."
- Winston Churchill, on Clement Atlee

"There but for the grace of God, goes God."
- Winston Churchill, on Stafford Cripps

"He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself and hurried on as if nothing had happened."
- Winston Churchill, on Stanley Baldwin
 

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